Setting up our First Appointment with a Therapist

Timeline Feb/March 2010

I knew something was off. I didn't know what was wrong, or if everything I was watching was all in my head, but something was different.  

We were laying in bed and I actually got my husband talking. Something he was doing less and less of lately. I didn't know what they meant, I just knew it was different. Somewhere inside of me I found the courage to ask if he was suicidal. At the time I didn't know if talking about suicide was a good thing or not. 

His answer surprised me when he said yes.    

I don't remember which thought came first or what I said back to him, but I knew he was being honest with me, and I didn't know what to do, or how to "fix" this. I saw this news like a broken arm, or the doctor telling me my child had an ear infection.  A little love, and an antibiotic we would be on our way.

Sleep and I didn't become good partners that nigh. It was probably one of the first nights I understood how someone could pray all night. I didn't dare leave my room, or my bed, but when early morning came I devoured any solid information on the internet. 

At 8:01 I called and had an intake appointment with LDS social services for that day. I might have got through to someone sooner, like a whole minute. I accidentally called the adoption line. What a relief we could be seen the same day. I was lucky when I set up the appointment. The scheduling clerk understood me though my tears.   

I didn't go to this appointment. Our kids were too little, and finding someone to watch them seemed wrong. But when my husband walked in the door his shoulders were taller and eyes brighter.

LDS Social Services