Garden of Gethsemane

I've been pondering this since Easter.

It's interesting how much my life, and my family's life has changed in one year. Last year my husband was suicidal and this year he's been so much more like himself. The husband that I fell in love with shows up more and more often.  The a man struggling with depression, and struggling to be himself in spite all of his health changes is still there, but we are moving forward today.

I keep thinking of the Savior and his moments alone with our Heavenly Father pleading to have the strength to carry out His divine mission. I think we all have those moments with our Heavenly Father. We may not be preparing to serve the entire human existence, but we can follow the Savior's example and plea for strength to fulfill our mission. Even if we want to ask for this to pass, then go forward in courage on that mission.

The Power of One

I once heard that one butterfly can affect the other side of the world just by beating it's wings. A butterfly is roughly two inches long and can change the world by moving from one tree to another, just living it's life.

I was advised to quit counting when my husband had his last nightmare. I thought I was celebrating improvement, but someone said I was focusing on the negative.  It's now been three or four months since our last nightmare until last week. He had one nightmare that was relatively calm compared to the ones he's suffered from in the past, but that one nightmare brought all the feelings back from the last four years.

Feelings of hopelessness. Feelings of we are never going to get better. Feelings of his nightmares are all my fault.

That one nightmare was a week ago now and it's taken me a week to shake those negative thoughts.

But a few nights before my husband's bad dream, I had an odd dream. Not a vision, or anything profound, but felt like my husband, my superman, was being attacked by his evil enemy and the only way to protect my superman was to bomb the world with kindness.

If one butterfly can change the world just by living it's life. I can change the world by living my life and being nice to everyone I come in contact with.

The Summer of Harry Potter

The past nine weeks have revolved around Harry Potter. We read four books, and listened to the stories on CD and then enjoyed the movies. 

The kids won't remember this summer as the summer mom worked and went to school full time. The kids won't remember the days that dad couldn't go to work. They will remember this summer as the summer of Harry Potter.

The thrill of being caught up in a good book. The hope that good conquers evil. A hope that I still have for our home.  

Harry helped us have great conversations about choosing good friends. We talked about what happens when are afraid, and what to do if someone picks on you, and how to look out for each other.

Halloween is near. Both kids are going to dress up as characters from the books. Thank you to the Halloween stores that carry kid costumes because I don't have time to sew this year.  

Like Harry the feel like they can do anything because they were loved.

How to Substitue in Primary with 2 minutes notice

I was recently released from being the Primary President in my ward. This calling taught me to listen to the Word of the Lord and helped prepare me for our daily battle against the Dark Side.  I needed a lot of Substitutes and unfortunately most of them were last minute. 

How to Substitute in Primary with 2 Minutes Notice 

My Cousin Debbie always joked that if you pulled together a primary lesson in two minutes and it turned out decent you’ve served in the primary too long.  But she has a spiritual gift.  For all of us that don’t have Debbie’s talents here are a few tips on last minute teaching.

1.     Thank you for saying yes.  This is not the ideal situation for substituting, but last minute sicknesses do come up.  By saying yes you relieve stress for many people.  You are also in a position to strongly listen to the Holy Ghost.

2.    Remember to pray.      

3.    Look up the key scripture and topic of the lesson.    Can the scripture be acted out?  Can the kids play a game around this topic?  Good games are follow the Leader, hang man, or guess who are a few. 

4.    Share your testimony. 

Finally, don’t compare how this lesson went with a lesson you taught previously.  You did the best you could with the time you had.  

39 and Holding......Not Us

June 2014

Exactly one year ago my husband spent 10 days in the hospital. He was there for a variety of reasons, both physical health related and mental health related.  During that hospital stay my husband turned 39. His recovery is a long process and we are still on the recovery path.

Birthdays have always been a big deal around our house, and we wanted to make this birthday special because we were limited on our celebrating last year. (Due to his health and meds we couldn't even have cake last year that's how bad it was.)

The kids and I decided to decorate our home with a Superman Theme. I'm walking through the store picking up plates, tablecloths and that kind of things and there were balloons and buttons that said, "39 and Holding".

I thought 39 is over 40 has to be better.

When I told this to my husband about this though we laughed. He agreed 39 was over. It's time to look to the future.

Sometimes all you need is a fresh start and 40 is ours.

Yearbook Pictures

The end of school is near when your kids bring home yearbooks. The kids showed off every page to me. They told me which boy my little girl liked. They told me which girl liked my little boy, and pointed out every friend in the whole school. They even gave me a play by play of the entire school year.  

As a mother I've worried that my kids are becoming depressed because our house has a battle going on with the Dark Side every day. So I looked carefully at my children's pictures. They were happy in their school pictures. I had to look at the pictures again to be sure, but there was no doubt my children were genuinely happy.    

I may not be helping my husband battle the Dark Side, but I'm preventing it from taking over my children's lives. 

"Egg"selent

I've decided I believe in old wives tales....At least for today. Tomorrow???? But I've heard one of the fastest ways to get out of depression is to do service for someone.  The suggestion was also made in Primary on Sunday to serve others when you feel bad. So I'm trying to apply this advice. I know I'm a grown up, but I know my Primary leaders are praying for me too.

I'm starting to slip into those oppressive thoughts that lead to depression myself. My thoughts mostly consist of what have I done to "feed" my husbands depression? Are my expectations too high? Do I put too much pressure on him?

I logically know those type of thoughts do not get me anywhere that I should be going. And Action is required to change some of those thoughts. People say your brain can only think about one thought at a time. Another old wives tale. One that I believe, so it's time to take some action.

The kids are learning things from everywhere these days. Our church leaders say nothing can replace the work done in our own home. So today's thoughts consist of not passing on the depression.

We found a bag of plastic eggs from Easter. I had the kids write positive messages inside the eggs. Kid handwriting is cuter right? Then we made a note that said, "Your Eggselent" and "You've been egged." Then we scattered the eggs in a neighbor's yard.

So thanks for the "Egg"selent suggestion of giving service. It helped battle the Dark Side today.