The Shack

 I went on a date today after the kids went to their dad's house. I had been told by several people to go see the movie The Shack. I almost didn't go because that was what my husband and I were going to go see when I decided we were done. So those feelings were with me. I remembered from the book it started out hard. But it was two hours of my time well spent.

The movie shows a happy family that faces a tragedy. The youngest daughter dies. In dealing with his grief the dad shuts everyone one. I knew how the wife felt and I knew how hard she was praying for her family, and her husband. One thing that I have struggled with is that my husband and I no longer are healing together. I prayed, fasted and anything else I could think of, and begged God to no end. Somehow, and I don't understand why, but I'm not bitter. But I do have to be careful about jealousy. Because in real life people turn to their Savior and their family members are healed. I'm just as good/bad as anyone else. I wasn't given that blessing. 

My date and I talked about forgiveness. We talked about how we were changed by other people. Sitting in the truck it felt like a little haven. I wasn't expecting the movie to draw us closer together. With all the hard stuff I faced over the last while, I am still in shock that someone from my past is part of my healing. How wonderful it is to be loved by him-again.

I have asked my new/old boyfriend if he has forgiven my ex-husband for how he treated me. I know my ex-husband didn't mean to treat me the way he did. He never planned on that. But my new/old boyfriend said he's been thinking about it off and on since I asked him a few weeks ago. He just expressed how grateful he was to have me back in his life again and if that was the path to lead me back to him, then he would need to dwell on the positive and try to help heal the negative.  

I wasn't expecting to have Spiritual intimacy, and emotional intimacy in one night.  His kiss was tender and very loving when he kissed me good night. I felt like mush at the end of the date.  Like in The Shack healing comes in unexpected ways. 

Married People Go to Walmart on Dates

I ran into an ex-boyfriend of mine and when he found out I was getting divorced he asked me on a date. I didn't want my kids to meet him yet so I had him pick me up and take me to Walmart. Even driving to Walmart I said to him, you know married people go on dates to Walmart. We laughed all the way there. And sure enough I ran into several people from the ward on dates to Walmart with their spouse.

I didn't know how to act. I was afraid to hold his hand. I was afraid to touch him.

In the words of Grandma, I didn't die. But it was nice to be with someone that wanted to hold my hand. I may have been afraid of it, but it was nice.

Even being scared, going to Walmart on a date felt like I was normal. Who knows maybe one day I'll be a married woman going on dates to Walmart again.

Unexpected Forgivness

Nothing has really changed in my home. We are waiting for my husband's new place to be ready before he moves out. Things seem normal for the most part. My husband still goes to work, sleeps on the floor, and does what he wants. But what surprised me about the last few days is I am NOT mad at my husband for all the stuff he has chosen to stop doing for the last few years. I don't know how it happened. I wish I did, so I could share my secret, but by deciding to get divorced and he was never going to do what he used all of my anger went away.