The list of reasons to get Divorced.

I've wanted to write about this for a few weeks, but the thought of seeing this list in writing hurt. I met with my LCSW therapist a few weeks ago and he said, "Your a good little Mormon girl, and good little Mormon girls are taught to stay married and figure it out. And you were probably taught the only reason to end a marriage is abuse."  I was taught abuse, addiction and adultery were acceptable reasons to end a marriage, so he was pretty close.

This is a list of all the different things we talked about in my appointment. He felt like I couldn't make a decision about staying or leaving my marriage if I didn't have a full picture of the health of my marriage. My husband hasn't been suicidal for about five months now and his health seems to be maintaining. 

Different Values

Excessive Negativeness

Arguments

Counseling did not work

Unfaithful

Emotional exhaustion

Be better off

Needs no longer met

Staying for the kids

Abuse

Thinking marriage lesser of 2 evils

No longer trust

No longer respect

Cheaper to keep him

Worried what others will think

Feel lonely

Vastly different sexual needs

Not enjoying time together and/or life (social)

Distance pattern

Unfaithful, abuse and worried what others would think are the only things that I did not have on the list. That stung pretty hard. 

So reality is my relationship with my husband isn’t going to get any better, and I’m not doing well accepting that. I’m not doing well with the fact that It’s not IF but it’s really when, I get divorced. I am a liar because I committed to a long term relationship and I’m not keeping that commitment.  That’s bothering me a lot.  The statistics are if I leave my husband will either snap back to the guy he was before, or kill himself. He could just stay in the middle range where he is now but that’s like a 10% chance.  I also don’t want to give up the rest of my life. I love my neighbors, the kids school, the ward. I need a new job. There are consequences that come with that. I still have 9 months left of school. The kids are at hard ages for a life changing event. Entering junior high is hard enough, let alone divorce. 

But the fact that that I am feeling and crying is good. It's okay to feel what's really going on.