Meeting with the Stake President

Last Sunday the Stake President spoke and promised anyone in the congregation that they could ask him for help and he would do his best to support us in our trials. Well after a few days of pondering I took him up on the matter. I sent him an email and told him what was going on in my home. Here is basically what the email said.

This is my work email because I don’t want my kids to accidentally see it.

I know you promised the whole ward that you would do what you could to help them individually and you meant it. I don’t think there is anything you can do right now, but maybe in the future. It might help to know what is going on.

I have been married 16, almost 17 years and my husband has been suicidal for the last 6 of those years. He’s not been suicidal for 4 months now, and this is the longest time he as gone without those negative thoughts. He also has several health issues and it takes two hands to count them all. I have PTSD because my husband has PTSD and we both see a therapist.   

I know how Jonha feels. The Lord has told me it’s okay to get divorced and I don’t want to do that. Running away from the Lord is never good. That also means I need to get a new job because we both work for the same company and I like my job. 

In October I felt like I needed to get divorced. If I leave, I need to leave when he is well. But Good little Mormon girls don’t know how to do that. I had to learn how to do all that and I don’t want to stay married, but I don’t want to give up the rest of the life my husband and I built. Love isn’t an issue. I still love him, but I can’t do this everyday.   I don’t want to take my kids out of their schools, and away from Aunt M and Uncle M. They will also have anxiety if I stay or if I leave. And I still want the kids to see their dad everyday. I know church leaders are not supposed to tell people what to do in situations like mine. And no one can make that decision but me.    

I am having a hard time reconciling the truths I have been taught with the reality that I live. We really have had to have evil things cast out of my husband, and the house.  Things I never dreamed when we were married that could happen have happened. I wasn’t prepared for this.

But I do have hope and know Christ knows me by name and because of Jonha I am trying to have faith and do something each day to put that faith into action.