This is my work email because I don’t want my kids to
accidentally see it.
I know you promised the whole ward that you would do what
you could to help them individually and you meant it. I don’t think there is
anything you can do right now, but maybe in the future. It might help to know
what is going on.
I have been married 16, almost 17 years and my husband has been
suicidal for the last 6 of those years. He’s not been suicidal for 4 months
now, and this is the longest time he as gone without those negative thoughts.
He also has several health issues and it takes two hands to count them all. I
have PTSD because my husband has PTSD and we both see a therapist.
I know how Jonha feels. The Lord has told me it’s okay to
get divorced and I don’t want to do that. Running away from the Lord is never
good. That also means I need to get a new job because we both work for the same
company and I like my job.
In October I felt like I needed to get divorced. If I leave,
I need to leave when he is well. But Good little Mormon girls don’t know how
to do that. I had to learn how to do all that and I don’t want to stay married,
but I don’t want to give up the rest of the life my husband and I built. Love isn’t an
issue. I still love him, but I can’t do this everyday. I don’t want
to take my kids out of their schools, and away from Aunt M and Uncle
M. They will also have anxiety if I stay or if I leave. And I still want
the kids to see their dad everyday. I know church leaders are not supposed to
tell people what to do in situations like mine. And no one can make that
decision but me.
I am having a hard time reconciling the truths I have been
taught with the reality that I live. We really have had to have evil things
cast out of my husband, and the house. Things I never dreamed when we were
married that could happen have happened. I wasn’t prepared for this.
But I do have hope and know Christ knows me by name and
because of Jonha I am trying to have faith and do something each day to put
that faith into action.
